I come from a small town in Washington. The population is only about 9,000. I loved where I grew up. The people, the town my childhood home was amazing. At times I admit it wasn't the most exciting place in the world but when I look back on my childhood and my life back in that small town I can't help but smile and be comforted by all of the warm memories. We lived on the most amazing property right next to the ocean. A big house sitting atop 11 acres with a lake and another smaller one that had a little island in the middle. My parents eventually had a bridge put in so we could cross to the little island and spend our days. Sometimes I miss that kind of life. Not a care in the world. Just you, friends, family and nature.
Eventually though I had to leave the comforts of that small town and venture off to bigger and better things in order to have a successful future. That's when I headed off to the big city to complete my undergrad education and eventually my path would lead me to where I am now in California.
I love the California life it's great! Sunshine, endless things to do, fun people. But sometimes I can't help but think this world is exhausting and I think back to the days when I grew up in the country and what I would do for one of those summer nights when we would build a bonfire and lay out blankets and my friends and I would stare up at the stars watching satellites go by and shooting stars appear from time to time. It's hard to realize what you really want in life and I feel like in order to be completely satisfied you need to have a mixture of everything. Sometimes I can picture myself living in a trendy neighborhood in a big city like NYC. Having a cute little apartment and endless things to do. Other times I yearn to go back to that house in the country where I had all of the privacy and space in the world. I could go outside into the woods by my house and be completely alone if I wanted to. Something I don't have here. Anywhere I walk out of in my apartment now there is going to be a person passing by, a car driving by.
I don't feel like I could truly go back to a small town life though. Although it is sometimes comforting and nice being a big fish in a small pond it gives you limited opportunities. It's nice when everyone knows you, and you know everyone. You are somebody, not just a stranger passing by. But to go back to a small town like that really does not challenge you. You fall into comfort. You settle. I don't want to settle. There are only so many options for you and you settle for what's comfortable. But who am I to judge? Some people are happy that way. I don't think I would be though. As much as I sometimes wish to be back at my house in the country I don't think I would be truly satisfied with myself settling for life back in that small town. I will sit there and wonder what could I have been? What could I have done?
For right now I think the best option is to be a small fish in a big pond. You have to put yourself out there and try to be as successful as possible, as uncomfortable as that maybe be sometimes. But how will you know how much potential you have if you don't get out there and try it? And maybe one day you will become a big fish in a big pond. Wouldn't that be something? Then you could go back to your small town during your class reunion and walk in there with pride knowing how much you've accomplished since leaving. One can only hope.
I've currently been at my job for a little over two years now and I think it's almost becoming like my small town. Comfortable and hard to let go. It's time though. We sit there and talk about how much we don't enjoy our jobs. Then why are we still there? Why aren't we out there searching for the right path? Because we're comfortable. It's time for me to get out of my comfort zone and go to the next chapter. It's time to change my life and start my career. Hopefully I will figure it out soon, but damn it sure is tough!
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